Everyone is related to someone and then they die

E has been interested in relationships for a long time. She loves to repeat that "Yaya is Daddy's mommy" and that "Gramps is Mommy's daddy". In conjunction with the death talk, she has realized that Yaya and Papous had mommies and daddies who are now dead. She talks about this a lot and is very interested in how it all works. She asks if they miss them. Tonight she asked if they died when they became a mommy and daddy. They explained that it was a long time after they had kids.

Then she said something she has been saying these past three days, "Mommy isn't my mommy. I have a mommy named Fredrick. Fredrick lives in California." I suggested that she was pretending and told her I would pretend as well. She shook her head and said "I am not pretending! Fredrick is my real mom." I wasn't sure what to say since she usually agrees that things are pretend and we play from there. She asked me a few times to ask her who her mom was so she could report "Fredrick". She said her dad is named "blah dooo goo dahh loo". I am not sure how to respond. I tried giving her a big hug and saying that I loved her so much and would always be her mom no matter what but she just told me I wasn't her mom. I am pretty sure it is related to the death issue and possibly the fact that we foster.

Any advice? Do I play along? Do I continue to reassure that I am her mom? We aren't worried about her knowing about death. I am concerned about her worrying about it too much though. Thanks for your insight!

Death

Baby E found a dead bird a few weeks ago. She was very interested in it and we used it to talk about death. There were bugs on it so we talked about the circle of life and how the bird will help other creatures live and become part of the earth. She mentions this and when she tried to dart into the road one day she said "I don't want to be hit by the car and be dead like the bird."

A few days ago she asked me if I would die. I told her I probably wouldn't die until I am very old. She asked what old meant. I told her I wouldn't be old until after she had a baby and her baby was big. I thought it wasn't the best explanation but couldn't figure out how to tell her what old meant.

Tonight we were cuddled in bed and she said, "Mommy, I want to grow up and be just like you." I smiled and asked her what that meant. She said "I will be a nice mommy. When I am a mommy will you be old and get dead?" I tried to explain to her that I won't die when she has a baby. I said most people die after they are 80 and then counted from 29 to 80 to show her how far away that number was.

She doesn't seemed worried- just curious. But I'd love advice on how you all explain this concept!

Upcycling

I have been obsessed with Funky Junk's before and after photos. We had been planning to get new bedroom furniture but I decided to try re-doing what we have. I did 2 pieces today as a test drive. Here is are my materials: 1. Lacquer 2. Yellow paint 3. White primer 4. 2 paint brushes 5. 2 rollers 6. Self stick drawer liners

Here are the before and afters. I'll show a step by step below. Dresser Before:

Dresser After:

Headboard Before:

Headboard After:

I started with 2 coats of primer.

Then I used 3 coats of yellow paint. This is when I realized that working outside was not the best idea. Gnats kept landing in the paint and grass started sticking to it.

Finally, I added the contact paper. I made a few mistakes that I patched.

I tried to put the lacquer on it but it made the paper ripple. Not sure why!

Overall, I think I did pretty great for my first time! I will do my other dresser and book cases next. Ella wanted to help and we had a great time together. I put her in charge painting the back of the furniture with a tiny paint brush. It was great!

Lyme Disease

Lyme disease sucks. I am feeling so terrible these last few weeks. I have been in treatment for 4 months and I am feeling worse than ever. My arthritis is horrible in my wrists. It used to only hurt in knees, ankles, and hips when I ran. Now I am experiencing pain after a short walk across a parking lot. Some days there is no pain and other days I can barely walk.

My brain fuzziness (executive dysfunction) is more frequent. I am having trouble making eye contact with people on my worst days. I am having a lot of trouble doing grocery shopping because I can’t find items on the shelf. This comes in episodes so some days are fine but others are terrible.

I am exhausted. I have spent several days in bed these past 3 weeks. All I want to do is sleep. Then, I will get a crazy burst of energy at which point I over-do it and then get sicker.

My asthma is out of control. I am wheezing all day. I have a weak flow meter and in the last month have never been in my healthy range. They are trying different meds but it only takes the edge off.

I am still breaking out in hives which is so annoying because then I can’t sleep. The allergy meds were helping but not anymore.

I am taking tons of antibiotics, herbal supplements, and have changed my diet (no dairy or wheat) but still feel like I am falling apart!

I am starting to feel like maybe I won’t ever get better. It is so frustrating feeling like this. I have a doc appt on Thursday but I think they will tell me to keep doing what I am doing. I just want to feel normal again!