Friday, August 17, 2012

Tough time

So I have been trucking along these past few months. Business has been growing,my husband joined the company, and Ella is doing great. We have been getting to know foster teens and I have been using my wheel chair so I can go out and do fun things like the county faire. Today, I am really struggling though. Here is my boo-hoo post.

1. I hurt ALL.THE.TIME. The pain makes it hard to sleep, drive, and walk. I am also exhausted constantly and frequently need 4 hour long naps mid-day.

2. My medications make me nauseous all day long. I got some sea sickness bracelets and some Reglan so that might help.

3. I let one staff person go and another just stopped coming to work. So now I am down 2 staff and hiring 2 more. I also planned to grow and add another staff person. So, I have to start 3 new people. Two of the positions are covered but I am really struggling to find a 3rd.

4. Work life balance is totally broken.

5. Newest lab tests say my kidneys are starting to shut down and I will probably need to start the IV antibiotics in 6 weeks.

6. We still keep holding out hope that our teen will change her mind. She won't. We care so deeply for her and it makes us sad.

7. I am ignoring Baby E. I spend all day on this damn computer and I feel terrible. We are considering sending her to school in the Fall and that breaks my heart. We planned to be homeschoolers and I LOVE hanging out with my baby. It is so stressful trying to decide if we should accept a great preschool option now or potentially get stuck in a terrible school (which is a huge worry where we live). I hate that I have to worry about this!

7. The Olympics ended! I know this is silly but this was really hard for me. The Olympics were a special short-term thing and I spent many evenings doing work right through them. So now that it is over it seems to signify my failure to manage home and work life. Silly I know but I cried like a baby when DH told Baby E "You will be 7 next time the Summer Olympics are one!" Okay well that is enough feeling sorry for myself for today. Tomorrow will be better. That has to be true eventually.

Tough time