My BFing story

I am speaking at a Ped conference re: tongue tie next week and they asked me to write up a personal story that can be given to mom's . . . this is what I wrote

When I was pregnant my husband asked me if I was going to breastfeed. I told him “no.” Eww! Breastfeeding was gross. I wasn’t breastfed, breasts were sexual, and I didn’t want to be “stuck” with my baby ALL the time. My husband asked me to do some research. I went to a breastfeeding event at my birth center, read a few books, and attended classes at the breastfeeding center. After I learned about the health benefits to me, the benefits to the baby, and the overall science associated with “natural parenting” I was convinced to try for 3 months.

When Ella was born, it all changed. Nursing just felt right. Between the hormones, the support of my family, my education about the benefits, and the closeness I felt to the baby, I realized I was not only willing, but wanted, to nurse Ella past three months. I committed myself to a year and hope to make it to two years.

However, our nursing relationship began with a rocky start. I had done so much research and was promised nursing would not hurt. Well, within 2 days, my nipples were badly damaged. I went to my birth center for help and they sent me to the Breastfeeding Center. I was happy to pay my fee because I figured they would help me. I burst into tears when I was told that Ella had a tight frenulum but that I needed to wait a week or two to see if it fixed itself.

Eleanor had a posterior frenulum. This is also called a tongue tie. This means that she has some extra skin under her tongue. It made if difficult for her to keep her tongue in the appropriate location for nursing. Instead, she would bite me to nurse. Posterior means that the skin is far back in her mouth and probably the most difficult to detect.

Ella’s latch looked perfect from the outside. Her lips spread, her neck was back, and her body was facing me. But inside she would slide her mouth back on my nipple. A lactation consultant had come to my home and when we turned her upside down to get a picture, her tongue made a perfect heart shape (which is what typically happens with severe tongue tie).
I had to exclusively pump to protect my supply and realized that for the past few days I had been delaying Ella’s feeds because of my pain. We fed her with a syringe, she gained weight, and was very happy.



After talking to several moms and doing a great deal of research, I decided to get her frenulum clipped. I took her to the pediatrician who told me babies as young as Ella could not have the procedure done. I went home, printed the articles I had been reading, and brought them to her. She finally wrote me a referral to the ENT. I had to sob on the phone to finally get an appointment sooner than 3 months away. They saw me that day.

The procedure was simple. My husband held Ella on his lap, the doctor used q-tips to hold her mouth open, and he snipped the extra skin with a pair of scissors. She cried the whole time, which was hard, but did not cry louder when they clipped her tongue than when they opened her mouth. This proved to me the procedure did not hurt her. She nursed right away and I was able to put the pump away. It was the best thing we could have done. The procedure really preserved our nursing relationship and I am so glad we did it.

At about three months, I started to have pain again. It started off slowly and then one day she refused to nurse unless I was lying down. She began crying frequently and lost weight. Unfortunately, Ella’s tongue had scarred and re-tightened. We had to have it re-cut. This time, it was cut much further back and things worked perfectly again. It is rare to have to re-cut the tongue and it was stressful. But, I do not regret either procedure at all. Both allowed Eleanor and I to continue a wonderful nursing relationship.

On the way to the procedure, I burst into tears. I confessed to my husband that I felt like I was getting surgery preformed on my baby for my own comfort. He reminded me that I was making it easier for her to eat, possible for me to feed her naturally at the breast, and could prevent her from future speech impediments. Again, I am so glad that she was able to have this procedure done. She is so happy, is so fat, and my body feels great everytime I feed my baby.

Late Night Ramblings About #2

Well . . . mommy hormones are an interesting thing. I am pretty sure it is nature's way of ensuring we continue to have babies. Tom and I have planned to have one baby and adopt #2 from Africa. We have spent a lot of time in orphanages abroad and we would love to bring home a 2-3 year old when Ella is around 5 years old. But, when I look at Ella, nurse her, hug her, and watch her play, I think about having another baby. I have been catching myself talk about "when I do this again" in conversations about labor and pregnancy.

I HATED being pregnant. I was super sick, had a lot of physical pain, and several early labor scares. I was miserable. I do not want to do that again! :) But, I often find that I am romanticizing the parts I liked (feeling her kick, rubbing my belly, kind comments from strangers). I must be crazy!

As I let my mind wander, I think about having a teeny tiny baby. I also think about how lucky we are that we have a perfect, healthy, happy baby. We got pregnant the first time trying and never had a loss. So many of my Mommy friends have had multiple loses and I can't even imagine going through that. I also think about what would happen if number 2 had health issues or Autism . . . It makes me feel like we are pushing our luck to try for another.

These concerns make me feel better about adopting. Then, I think about the care we are taking to ensure all of Ella's physical and emotional needs are met . . . and that I will be bringing home a baby who did not get that. But, it helps to remember that many of the babies in the orphanages we worked in were pretty well adjusted and we plan to move to the country we are adopting from for several months to ensure the orphanage is a healthy environment and our baby is well attached to us before we leave the country. I am confident we will have a wonderful toddler but it still makes we wonder.

So, this post does not really mean anything. No decisions, no real revelations . . . just putting my thoughts is writing. I love having a baby and my body is trying to convince me to have another :) I am going to tell it to be quiet, leave me alone, and let me just enjoy Ella right now.

Saundra

Motherhood

Life as a mother is very different than I expected it to be.

I have always been a career driven woman. I love my work (as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst), I am good at my job, and I have enjoyed being independent. I have a solid education (graduate degree etc) and have always been successful. When Tom and I decided to have a baby, I did not think any of this would change.

I imagined I would love my baby and I was very excited to raise her. But, it never occurred to me that I would want to be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would want to breastfeed past 2 years old. I never thought I would want to carry her in a sling all day long. I never thought I would want her to sleep in my bed. I never thought I would spent all my time thinking about her.

When Eleanor was born, this all changed. I am amazed by how much I want to be near her. I still love my work but would be willing to leave it behind for a few years. I will continue to work because we need the income and because I am really making a difference in the lives of the families I work for, but every time I leave Ella (who happens to be having trouble with the separation and cries the entire 4 hours I am away), I feel so sad.

Tom made me a CD of songs from my labor. I listen to that while I drive to work (I only work 15 hours a week) and that helps a little. I think about my labor, her birth, and how amazing that experience was. I sometimes think about what it would be like to have a second (though our plan has always been to adopt #2). I often daydream about having a second infant.

When I was pregnant, I worried about being "tied" to my baby. I feared the lack of freedom, I was grossed out about breastfeeding, and I was nervous that I would be bored with my infant. Nothing could be further from reality.

I am so happy with my baby. I do feel tied to her . . . . but in such a wonderful way! Everything is better than I imagined. While Motherhood has been hard at times, it so much more incredible than I ever could have imagined. Breastfeeding took some time to work (Ella's tongue-tie has been a challenge but 2 clippings later we are doing well), it is hard being alone all day and I do wish Tom were home more (I am so lucky to have him for every summer though and Ella and I have a great time alone), and sometimes I am exhausted. But, right now, I am at the point where I can not imagine life without Ella and I am so in love with her I can barely stand it. I am so happy to be a mom.

I hadn't intended this entry to be so sappy . . . but that is what happens at 2am I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

Getting Started

I have always been intrigued by the world of Blogging. I have recorded my travel journals on MySpace in coffee shops throughout the world and sent "update" emails to friends and family since moving to college. Now, I want to make it official. I am unsure as to the true theme of this Blog. I imagine it will mostly revolve around my new baby, Eleanor. I am unsure who will read this, or if anyone really cares what I have to say. But . . . I plan to type (using too many ellipsis) and see what happens.

Thanks for reading!

Saundra