Well . . . mommy hormones are an interesting thing. I am pretty sure it is nature's way of ensuring we continue to have babies. Tom and I have planned to have one baby and adopt #2 from Africa. We have spent a lot of time in orphanages abroad and we would love to bring home a 2-3 year old when Ella is around 5 years old. But, when I look at Ella, nurse her, hug her, and watch her play, I think about having another baby. I have been catching myself talk about "when I do this again" in conversations about labor and pregnancy.
I HATED being pregnant. I was super sick, had a lot of physical pain, and several early labor scares. I was miserable. I do not want to do that again! :) But, I often find that I am romanticizing the parts I liked (feeling her kick, rubbing my belly, kind comments from strangers). I must be crazy!
As I let my mind wander, I think about having a teeny tiny baby. I also think about how lucky we are that we have a perfect, healthy, happy baby. We got pregnant the first time trying and never had a loss. So many of my Mommy friends have had multiple loses and I can't even imagine going through that. I also think about what would happen if number 2 had health issues or Autism . . . It makes me feel like we are pushing our luck to try for another.
These concerns make me feel better about adopting. Then, I think about the care we are taking to ensure all of Ella's physical and emotional needs are met . . . and that I will be bringing home a baby who did not get that. But, it helps to remember that many of the babies in the orphanages we worked in were pretty well adjusted and we plan to move to the country we are adopting from for several months to ensure the orphanage is a healthy environment and our baby is well attached to us before we leave the country. I am confident we will have a wonderful toddler but it still makes we wonder.
So, this post does not really mean anything. No decisions, no real revelations . . . just putting my thoughts is writing. I love having a baby and my body is trying to convince me to have another :) I am going to tell it to be quiet, leave me alone, and let me just enjoy Ella right now.